The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
