she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
