Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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