Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
