so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
