I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
