When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Text me some of your sweat
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
