So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
