Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
