I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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