you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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