I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
