I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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