would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
