No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
