I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize