Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
