Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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