Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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