I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
