I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
