I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
