i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
