As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
