My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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