And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
