theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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