this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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