We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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