I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he fucked my hip out of place.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
