for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Your topless pictures make me question reality
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
