No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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