Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
