She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
