Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
