I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
