So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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