I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
