My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
