none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize