what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
