who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Randomize
