I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
