I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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