Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
