i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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