Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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