the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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