dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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