Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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