I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
