I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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