It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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