i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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