he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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