A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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