He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
