She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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