I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
