i already hear my dad disowning me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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