Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
