made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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